10 1/2 Things No Commencement Speaker Has Ever Said by Charles Wheelan

By Charles Wheelan

Refreshingly sincere recommendation and observations on happiness, luck, and the area lurking past the campus gates.
Modeled on Charles Wheelan’s 2011 type Day Speech at Dartmouth collage, this selection of refreshingly sincere suggestion and observations is the antidote to these cotton-candy platitudes which are all too everyday to someone who’s ever worn a mortarboard. Armed with a PhD in public coverage, a long time of expertise in social technology study, and—perhaps so much important—good-natured humor, Wheelan bargains up 10½ head-turning aphorisms on happiness and good fortune that any one staring down the barrel of commencement must pay attention yet most likely hasn’t heard but. Celebrated New Yorker cartoonist Peter Steiner provides a marginally of caprice together with his irreverent illustrations sprinkled all through. 15 illustrations

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Example text

Anyway, the word got around among the groups in the Mission that the poverty program was going to be on the short end. So a bunch of the groups in the Mission got together and decided to go downtown to the poverty office and do some mau-mauing in behalf of the Mission before the bureaucrats made up their minds. There were blacks, Chicanos, Filipinos, and about ten Samoans. The poverty office was on the first floor and had a big anteroom; only it's almost bare, nothing in it but a lot of wooden chairs.

And they were not “masochists,” either. ” It was unbelievable. The panic turned out to be good for The Friends of the Earth, somewhat the way the recession has been bad for the Four Seasons but good for Riker‟s. Many matrons, such as Cheray Duchin, turned their attention toward the sables, cheetahs and leopards, once the Panthers became radioactive. The Stantons, meanwhile, dropped their plans for a Panther party and had one instead for the Buddhists, and Richard Feigen dropped his plans for a party because of the Panthers‟ support for Al Fatah.

The youth gangs weren't petty criminals ... there were "social bandits," primitive revolutionaries ... Of course, they were hidden from public view. That was why the true nature of ghetto leadership had eluded everyone for so long ... So the poverty professionals were always on the lookout for the bad-acting dudes who were the "real leaders," the "natural leaders," the "charismatic figures" in the ghetto jungle. These were the kind of people the social-welfare professionals in the Kennedy Administration had in mind when they planned the poverty program in the first place.

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